LOA !!!!

Day 67 !!!!
And I was totally not exspecting this to arrive. So as you imagine I had no paperwork ready.
 None.
But I was home to recieve the LOA delivery.
But I was only home because I was recovering from a concussion after my big black lab knocked me out cold the day before !

Here is a picture of the culprit. Do not let those pink fairy wings fool you he is big , clumsy and will mow you down :)

So I scrambled to fill out all of the paperwork in my altered state. This has been one of the greatest lessons in procrastination  :)
I have to be honest my mind was focused on an email that I woke up to earlier that day. One of the mom's from our SWI traveled to Caden's orphanage the day before. So I awoke to some new pictures of our little guy who is clearly not so little sporting a double chin :)

Caden looks huge ! I was so glad to hear that he is walking and running very well. She also said that he is inquisitive as he kept getting into their backpack :)
But there is a sadness in those blue eyes. As we have spent our days complaining about the wait and all of the hoops we have had to jump through this little guy spends everyday doing the same thing.

Waiting.

Wondering.

Existing.

I am so thankful that he is so well fed and has been so well taken care of . But I have to say that it saddens me that he has grown up so much without us there. For us, Caden has gone from a baby to a toddler overnight. But for him, I bet it feels like an eternity.

Hang tight little man! Mommy will be there soon.

And I am going to hold you and carry you around even if it breaks my back !!!!!!


 

Letting go

I have to be honest this is one of the hardest things to do as a parent. But after years of hovering ,worrying. and loving, ready or not this time does eventually come.
And for me it is here.
It really did not hit me as we prepared for Nick's Senior prom

 or even graduation.

 But on Thursday my baby will turn 18 . I have to be honest his birthday has hit me hard.
 Where did all of the time go????

I have done a great deal of reflection over the past few weeks about letting go. Of course, you never let go completely ...ever. So I would just like to put that out there Nick just in case you are reading this :) But you do have to let go and let them experience life. It is kind of like letting go of their wings that you have been holding on to. Scared to let go to soon because they may fall. But the time does come and you do have to let them fly. 
 I have to say that Nick has made this a little easier for me than I expected. He has grown into such a kind,caring,and  compassionate young man. When friends did not make the "best " choices, Nick did. 

 As a mom all of the hard work has paid off and the person that he has become  has told me that I have done my job well. And trust me there is no greater reward than this.

I love you more than you will ever know my little Raggie Roo. And you have made me the proudest mom ever.